Kina, Families & Addiction Trust

Dean’s Story

Posted on 19 May 2014 | 4 Comments

Sometimes I think my family is cursed. My mother died an addict at thirty, and my wider family, (aunts uncles, siblings and cousins), are steeped in every kind of problem you can imagine stemming from alcohol and drug use. I’ve also had my own issues with addictive behaviours but that’s not what I want to talk about today.

I’m writing this because I’m the stressed out parent of a teenager going off the rails. Like I said, my family is obviously cursed right!? Every bloody generation this genetic predisposition rears its ugly head!

My son was fine until he hit fourteen, then seemingly overnight my once well behaved little boy was replaced with a monster.  His main thing is smoking pot. His interest in this supersedes all other healthy interests a boy his age should have. Do your homework - nah I’d rather smoke pot. Go to school - nah I’d rather wag with my other stoner mates and smoke pot. Get involved in something that doesn’t involve sitting in your sleep-out with the curtains drawn, like a sport or a club activity or something - nah I’d rather smoke pot. What do you want to be in life - I dunno, a stoner?

Now I still have vivid memories of what it was like being fourteen. In fact I remember having a similar love affair with cannabis which eventually led to some really quite serious long term consequences in my life. So there are two predominant schools of thought going through my head 24/7 about my son.

On the one hand I think: no one could tell me anything at that age, I was so pig-headed and stubborn I had to learn my mistakes the hard way. Just give him good advice, let him know you love him and are always there for him and get out of the way. Let him come to his own realisations about life, I tell myself.

However, fear messes with this ‘letting-go’ attitude. No one wants their kid to suffer the same negative things they went through right!? So I try to control his behaviour, which leads to us having huge fights, and at the end of the day achieves diddly-squat in producing any kind of change in his attitudes or behaviour.

Oh no, actually there is a result from us fighting, our normal lines of honest communication become strained and I’m at risk of alienating my son. So what am I trying to say?

I think the rational part of me says just let go, stop trying to control him just be there for him as best as you can, as a loving father. It is less stressful, and keeps me sane.



  • My partner was an alcoholic and also smoked marijuana and synthetic drugs as well. Anyway one day he must have had an enlightenment because he said that he had been listening to MJ and he'd had a revelation. I asked him what that was and he said that when he was a lad he loved this particular song by MJ but never really listened to the lyrics, just the beat of the song. Well, anyway this particular song is The Man in the Mirror and do you know what after carefully listening to the song he realised that it actually had a message in it for him. That was 4 years ago and he has not touched alcohol or drugs ever since then because of one song that really spoke to him and I feel it can speak to anyone to help them through their addictions. If a song can make that change for him it can do it for your son and many more.Also put an end to the family curse by speaking positive affirmations into your sons life. Always look for the good in them even when sometimes it is hard to find! How can you try and change others when you have to make a change first.

    Posted by Elsa, 19/04/2016 2:48pm (5 years ago)

  • I wish there was compulsory army training -teen years are the worst years...just say if the teenager doesn't want to go to school then they have to go into the army and that for 3 years....imagine 14 to 17/18 they'd come out qualified and disciplined. ....I believe there is a lot more the government should be doing

    Posted by Kathleen Puahuire Sauer, 08/03/2016 4:05pm (6 years ago)

  • Validate all the good he is doing. Dont focus on the negative self beliefs you put on your child. If you make a big deal about the pot he will think. , if i do drugs she will pay attention to me. Even if it is bad attention he wil do it . That child is a hurt child . He is facing adulthood with fear , emotional escape, low self esteem. I bet you reinforce all the bad he is doing. Say you made your bed today right on. The little things that's were to start. Find positive role models in his life. You and him if you can manage it go away on a fun trip. Get away from daily life. Go and spend quality time with him. Get your minds off your selves.

    Posted by anna, 29/08/2014 3:52am (7 years ago)

  • Are children are a reflection of us. When we neglect when we raise them . They will act out. He is desperate to kill the pain and the anger he holds inside. Parents can't be perfect. But every thing we do to our children bad or good . They will act it out. You already said your life is cursed so whywould you expect good from anything you do. Get rid of your negative attitude and start to love you and your children.

    Posted by anna, 29/08/2014 3:39am (7 years ago)

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