Kina, Families & Addiction Trust

Anonymous Story

Posted on 10 January 2017 | 4 Comments

My husband has a binge drinking problem.

When he drinks he doesn't come home and doesn't even bother to make any contact with me. This problem has nearly destroyed our relationship numerous times. I never know when he is going to do it next. He has lied so many times saying he is at work and then he turns up at home at 3am drunk as a skunk. He never drinks at home and has never once invited me. He has urinated all over our kitchen table, the bed, and spewed all over our deck. He looses his phone, money cards etc. when he is drunk. Then he is grumpy and depressed for days then he greases up to me saying he is going to change etc…, and then boom! He does it all over again. The cycle goes on and on. I'm not sure what to do! We have tried staying apart from each other, counselling, ignoring it, accepting it- but nothing works. He has had 2 dry spells since we have been married. One for 6 weeks and another for 8 weeks. BUT other than that it's weekly. I never know if he is coming home from work or not. I'm so sick of it and not sure what to do. Every time he says he is going to change and seek help I want to believe him so I give in. And, he will be good for a couple of weeks before the cycle starts again. It's horrible to live with and my life is like a rollercoaster. He has many good qualities but I can't live my life out like this.

 

Comments

  • Hi, so sorry to hear this as I am in a similiar situation also and my husband never seems to be home and doesn't even contact me and its esculated to every night. I am also at the point of deciding to give up or carrying on with the horrible cycle and to make it worse last year and the beginning of this year has been the worst in my life with debt problems and I broke my leg really bad and was stuck at home for 4 months in casts and couldn't drive and i had promises that he would help and cook dinners but me and kids have ended up doing it all somehow... so anyway you are not alone and its a hard decision to make maybe a AA group or counselling could help but they need to help themselves.

    Posted by Rose, 10/02/2017 9:38pm (3 years ago)

  • This story is very familiar to me, and you are brave to share it. In the end my relationship didn't last-I got to the stage where I was actually happy when he went out as I had the house and bed to myself for a few hours and it meant I had actually got a few hours sleep before he came home drunk-I had stopped losing sleep over where he was by that stage. That's when I knew it was over....although I still loved him very very much-I knew I deserved better than being treated like that. Apparently after we separated he did stop drinking so much and now is the model citizen-although I find that hard to believe. Look after yourself-first and foremost-you can't change him-only he has that ability. Take care.

    Posted by Anna, 10/01/2017 9:46am (3 years ago)

  • Hi Anonymous. I'm so sorry that you are left wondering. My mom was exactly the same when I was growing up. Never drank at home but would leave on binges for days at a time with no word and then just be a completely different person when she was drunk. Make sure you are keeping yourself safe. I'm thinking of you and sorry for the rollercoaster ride of hope and disappointment you are on. I know it well.

    Posted by Brandie, 10/01/2017 9:25am (3 years ago)

  • Hi ya,
    I really enjoyed Nathans New years Blog and it is prefect for you. My suggestion is you need to start looking after yourself your husband sounds unwell, urinated all over our kitchen table, the bed, and spewed all over our deck is not normal behavior. You cant do your husbands work for him but you can look after yourself. Coming from personal experience with addiction its not going to get better for you unless your husband gets some help. Look after you and do what's best for you or you will find yourself getting sick as well. Its a New Year time for you and put some healthy boundaries in place. I feel your pain and this must be very hard an frustrating for you but you do have choices in life healthy or unhealthy lifestyle and currently you are involved in an unhealthy lifestyle. Look after yourself and make some sound decisions for you.

    Posted by Anonymous, 10/01/2017 9:02am (3 years ago)

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