Kina, Families & Addiction Trust

Like Father...like partner?

Posted on 10 August 2017 | 0 Comments

I know weed isn't the worst drug in the world and people can be addicted to allot worse. The thing is I'm starting to resent my partner of 5 years because of it.

I'm in my mid 20's and have never thought much of weed. I grew up with a father that was high every night of my life, a mother who met him because she was his dealer before my time and before she changed her life around because of religion.My father also was an alcoholic. So addiction was something I grew up in, I'm not going to lie I never had an abusive child hood, I always had food on the table, clothes on my back and a warm, safe home. But because of how dependent my dad was of weed, I hated it. He only recently went to rehab for it, and I saw the strain that had on my family especially my mum. Just knowing that every childhood memory my Dad barely remembered due to being so high.

I didn't even know weed was illegally until my teens, because it had been such an everyday experience in my home. I swore to myself I would never have my children experience the same let down and stress. Now my partner of 5 years that I love oh so dearly. He treats me like a queen and I have never found someone that makes me so happy (but only when sober). For the last year and a half he has become dependent on weed. Spending a minimum of $150 a week. He will smoke almost every night. He sulks and is angry when he runs out and will literally run to the other side of town when it is raining (1hour run each way) just to get more weed.

He believes it is ok because he's home where I am. Though as soon as he smokes he's pretty much useless. I have literally had to take spoons or chicken bones out of his mouth because he's so high he falls asleep while eating and nearly chokes. He works in a minimum wage job and is continuously saying how he has all these dreams and aspirations to plan out, but as soon as he gets home from work it's straight to the bong. I can't rely on him to do anything, if I ask him to cook dinner (because I work longer hours) he'll forget to or worse he'll forget he's put the element on.

When we have date night I literally plead him not to get high before, and then only 20% of the time will he listen, so we don't even end up going out. He doesn't have many friends and all his friends are much younger, 21ish and they smoke weed as often as they can. I'm scared for our future, I can not marry someone, or raise children with someone that cares more about weed than anything. He always says he will reduce it or that he'll change, but he does for 3days then goes back to "weed is life".

The worst part of it all is how it makes me feel. I am genuinely a relaxed person (hence I don't need weed to chill haha), I'm not phased by much an I'm not an overly emotional person. The only thing is when he is super high, I am so angry. I have to force myself to breath because sometimes I look out how high he is and want to punch him in the face. I've been cooking in the kitchen with a sharp knife and had to physically remove myself from the situation because I felt like throwing the knife at his face, because he was high and making a huge mess everywhere. I can't take being this angry. I stay up until 1am because i'm so worked up. I honestly don't know what to do. I can handle a joint every now and then, but how he can I live my life with someone when I'm only getting 2 hours a day of him being sober in the mornings and high by the time I'm home from work. It's a financial strain on us since I'm sometimes covering his part of the bills, a physical strain on his health and an emotional/mental strain on our relationship.

 

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