Kina, Families & Addiction Trust

Mother's Story

Posted on 15 September 2014 | 2 Comments

I've just read Dean's story, posted in May 2014. I would say, yes, the majority of reports and written experiences available mainly stress to parents to be tough, release that child, stand back and still be a distance beacon of light. Love and support from a distance whilst a tough agenda is put in place may work with some families but the attitude to 'pot smoking' remains in general - lame.

In March 2014 I lost my eldest son to drugs - pot sounds far too cute, too archaic, cannabis has changed; it is stronger not just chemically but streetwise. Its power has risen over the years and my son who was struggling with some teenage conflicts turned to this 'self-medication' to ease the burden of these feelings. When people refer to their children as argumentative monsters I can safely say that this child of mine had the anger and violence of a possessed demon. We lived in fear, cowering on his return late at night. My eight year old son spent far too many times hiding too, and hearing the vile screaming rants of his brother threatening to kill his mum. On his last rage fuelled outburst, attack, we managed to steer him out the front door. The police were called and we eventually had the opportunity to talk about how we lived in fear: walking on egg shells through the weeks. I longed for my son to talk to me and not go out every available minute to administer cannabis through plastic devices, I missed him terribly.

That evening my son walked into some woodlands and took his life, he was not found until two days later. Cannabis was found in his system at the post-mortem.

Six months on we have been experiencing and reliving very similar experiences with my middle son. He too smoked a bit of marijuana with friends up at the park and also knew his elder brother was sinking into addiction. His whole world exists purely in a fug of stoned oblivion. The pain of loosing his brother and best friend is crippling.
Every single available outlet, institution, programme you can think of has been pleaded with for intervention and support. It is so overwhelming and misunderstood and we are an issue that can't be categorised or swept under rug. We are two educated working adults, loving, peaceful and believe in caring and nurturing children. Yes we have rules but we are not disciplinarians who lock kids in rooms (a suggestion from school) or enforce physical punishments. In short we are alien where we live as domestic violence on all levels is common, so is low attendance at school, anti social behaviour, drug and alcohol abuse and ultimately boredom and hopelessness. 
Before my sons death I had everything in place to move away, now we are trapped here and we wait and watch tearing our hair out at the suffering we are still having to endure.
Until marijuana is explored on ALL levels this problem will carry on evolving. Less medicinal hype and no more suggestions of groups of stress free happy giggling teenagers would also benefit a serious exploration. It is still predominately a dirty world of drug dealers and hopeless kids looking for escape, and my son eventually found the ultimate answer; my other son stumbles down the same path.

Comments

  • You know I have read so many story like yours it makes you wonder just what can us as adults do...my daughter was 12-13 when I had my first encounter with her...refusing to come home after school..I can remember threatening her with a "smack" to which she replied "she would call the police" cause they were told at school that parents are not allowed to smack their children...to cut a long story short, my daughter left home as soon as she was 15 headed off to Auckland...she's now 35 in rehab...20 years of drugs..lies, asking for money..always had excuses..well she's had her children taken off her and I have just spoken to her tonight...she cannot say sorry enough..how genuine is she, how honest is she, I won't ever know, only she can fix herself..but the hurt as a mother will never subside...we are there today tomorrow forever and that's the price we pay for loving our children...does not make sense...been told over and over again don't blame yourself...these are adults in their own right...they know they are blowing up their brain...sad isn't it....lol

    Posted by Kathleen Puahuire Sauer, 08/03/2016 7:57pm (4 years ago)

  • Its ugly isn't it?...In a way, I would like to refer to our society as either running good or running ugly....at the moment its running ugly....our economy is all over the place...jobs are few and far between...drugs are the in thing...those selling it are laughing all the way to the bank...and our society are all sick!!!!! I feel for you too...I don't know the answer...I wish I knew lol

    Posted by Kathleen Puahuire Sauer, 23/02/2016 2:17pm (4 years ago)

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