Kina, Families & Addiction Trust

Rose's Story

Posted on 13 September 2016 | 2 Comments

I have been with my husband for over 10 years. We have two kids and got married only 2 years ago. I thought my husband and I were pretty good. I could tolerate his alcohol and the small things because he was a good father and loved me with everything. A few years back I noticed my friends getting into meth and starting to smoke it regularly at parties. They would always try and convince me to smoke some which I have to this day declined every time. My husband would have the occasional puff and easily say no to it also. Because of the constant smoking we distanced ourselves from people. Anyway, all was fine, then my husband decided to start up a small business and I agreed that he could and he was looking forwards to making heaps of money and making a better life for our family. We got a business truck and all was fine. He then hired a sales man, this was all good. Anyway, I started noticing that there was never any money coming in and I was paying for everything. He was always coming home late after the kids had gone to bed. This started happening almost every night of the week and I started to feel like the crazy wife who was always moaning that he was using me and telling him he needed to shut the business down because there was no money was coming in. I started to hear his work mate laughing in the background and I was sure he was turning my husband against me. I knew something was wrong, then we went to a party and through the night they were all on it and I went nuts. I got told some stuff and started questioning him if he was using meth. He said if I ever mention he's on meth again he would leave me, and I said ditto I will leave you too if you’re on it. We didn't speak of it for a while after that. A month later a friend rang and told me my husband had a problem. So I searched his car and found his pipes which I stole and took in my car to work. I then called his work mate and threatened him to quit.
I then got abusive calls that I had to return the pipes because he was looking after them and they weren't his. I said no and he showed up to my work so I had to give them back to avoid a scene.
Anyway he still couldn't admit his problem and the shit hit the fan. He went nuts and took off. I found out he was a daily user and was spending all his money on it. He’d also been taking out short term loans and gambling and was just a completely different person. I didn't even feel like I knew him anymore because he had been lying to me for over 5 months. It was as though he didn't care about his family with all the manipulation and hiding things from me but I decided to stick by him after everything that has come out. But I am still scared that he has changed into a different person and won't fully come off it. I am afraid of what it will do to his kids because I don't want them noticing anything. It's hard to talk to anyone about it because they don't like him and think I should just leave him. They don't understand that even if I leave him, I need him to be happy and normal for his kids. It's horrible and scary and I don't trust anyone anymore because almost everyone is smoking it or has been involved in smoking it with him and they say judgmental things about him, it's so hypocritical. It's embarrassing also because my family know too.

 

Comments

  • Kia ora Rose I hope you are taking care of yourself but more importantly how are the kids? It sounds as though you have kept this away from them. Be mindful that kids can pickup on things even when we think they don't know anything. There is support out there...professional support. You may have to look at what is best for your children as well as yourself. Self care is good being happy in your relationship is greater for you and your children.

    Posted by Fran , 14/09/2016 2:49pm (3 years ago)

  • Awww rose. How heartbreaking for you! I can relate to how hard it is to talk to others about a loved ones addiction... I found that I knew people wanted to help but their way of helping just wasn't helpful.. so I shut down and kept everything inside... that nearly destroyed me. So I do encourage u to keep using the kIna website and know that this is a safe place for u rant and get those emotions out. I have a few blogs here... I wish u all the best... and there r supports out there for families. Its also OK to give yourself permission to look after yourself! Self care in journeys like yours really are very important in keeping yourself well. All the best hun

    Posted by Rena, 13/09/2016 8:40pm (3 years ago)

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