Anonymous Story

Its hard to tell your story; - I feel like its not even my story anymore, I feel like I can't have my story because his has tainted it so I guess its his story. He is my brother.

My brother is a drug addict - he would say he is in recovery - I don't believe it because he continues to make the same bad decisions, he continues to bring my family down.

He has done numerous stints in rehab but nothing ever changes.

I guess the reason I'm finally trying to find some help for me, is because I'm realising that I am so angry - and that anger is really impacting my life, my story and I don't want it to, I don't know how to stop it.

The most recent drama that is his life is that he is facing the family court for custody of his son. I offered to help - I offered to help him with a CV so he could get a job, offered to help him find a parenting course so he could be a better dad but he didn't want it. Instead he moves back in with my mum, goes back to an old job where he wont pay tax and will get back into trouble with the IRD (having had to declare bankruptcy already) and no doubt bring more pain to my mum. Last time he was there he stole from her and her friends and pawned it -lucky me got to drive around the pawn shops to get the stuff back!

So I said enough - I said I wasn't going to keep trying if he wasn't - I said I wasn't going to agree to supervise visits with his son anymore....(note I have two of my own and work full time). So while I try explain all of this to my mum, my anger my need to protect myself - she just sees how that looks for him...because its always about him. AND this was 2 weeks ago - mum who I would speak to every day has hardly spoken to me, hasn't bothered to see how my kids are and the times I have gone to her house it was so awkward and painful I just cant do it.

I know she is doing her best, but god it hurts - I've done everything I feel like I can for him - I've taken him to rehab, I've supported my mum while she has supported him, I've paid debts when mum was scared about who would come to collect, but I know I cant do this for him - and I cant watch him destroy my mum...

So what do I do - I need my mum - I have my own struggles but her world is so revolved around him there isn't room for me. AND I want him to get better, I want him to be the big brother I need.... I know I cant make it happen for him, that he has to do it...but my mum wont let that happen her efforts to help and assist him just make it easier for him to keep making the same bad decisions....its like watching a train wreck and not been able to do anything... And I'm so angry...how do I not be angry...