My mum drinks lots of wine and it breaks my heart. I find it very hard to watch her fill herself up every evening after 5pm. I live in another city so most of the time it is 'out of sight, out of mind' (I avoid talking to her on the phone after 7pm at night) .. but when we are in the same place it's the same old story.. 5 o'clock is wine o'clock.. and her mood gets artificially lifted and she becomes chatty, warm mum. I just see it as so artificial - the chemicals elevate her mood and she becomes that tipsy person who is so different from the person I spent all day with. Sometimes it gets a bit sloppy and slurry before bed. Then she sleeps like crap and wakes up tired and scratchy.. only to do it again the next day. I know it is her life to live, her journey to take.. and I try really really really hard not to judge her for what she is doing, and to understand that she is addicted and probably doesn't realise what it looks like from the outside.. but I'd be lying if I didn't say it made me sad and that I wished one day she would attempt sobriety. I know that she would feel so much healthier and better rested and more resolved about her emotions. But here I go making judgements about her life that aren't mine to make.. .. ... ...
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