I'm finding it hard to find help, for me. My partner drinks, not everyday but when he does, he can't stop. I'm the one worrying about him driving home drunk (we live rurally). He's self employed so this is self destructive behaviour. Some times he is falling down drunk, or vomiting drunk, or happy drunk. For me personally I feel the only saving grace is he is a happy drunk, never physical or violent.
He hasn't always been this way so I can't help but wonder if I'm at fault. This is a second relationship for both of us but we've been together more than 13 years, so why now? He can't / won't tell me. When I asked after this weekend’s 1am arrival why he was damaging our relationship and was he going to change, he said "maybe, in the future.” My suggestion that the future may be too late was met with a shrug.
Financially leaving isn't an option but I can't face a future where growing old is going to be so lonely. I'm 47 and I don't want to start again. But where to from here? How do I let go but still live with him?
Hello Holly,
I am a member of the most wonderful, life saving, sanity saving and source of tangible hope, a group called Al Anon.
It was in this group of people struggling with exactly the same things as you and me that I learnt in answer to your question "is it my fault":
You didn't cause it
You can't cure it
You can't control it.
With the help of Al Anon you will see why this is true.
Your husband's drinking is completely his responsibility and with Al Anon support it is entirely possible to learn how to detach from the effects you are experiencing from his drinking. This is not to say you will have to isolate yourself from…