Rena's Story

My current situation is my step mother died on (we think on the 2nd) of alcohol related illnesses... the reason for being unsure on dates is because my dad was too drunk to realize that she was dead till he saw the blood and vomit (they were in bed). I am dad’s main support person and responsible for helping make decisions for his care (he has eye problems - which are a direct result of his drinking). I have spent the last two months convincing myself that I am ok with him still drinking as I understand that it is the only thing he has left that’s always been there (he also lost his home, his cat and most of his furniture. I couldn’t save any of the heavy stuff before housing NZ took the house). I am really struggling with the fact that he still wants to drink after what he has been through. I saw the state of the house and what was left after mum’s body was taken. And was the one that cleaned it up before my step sister arrived from nelson to help (dad and mum lived in South Auckland). So yeah, I have managed to deal with dad’s drinking by putting distance between us but now I know he needs me to step up and be there but I need to be able to, I guess protect myself and protect my 19 month old daughter from seeing the effects of this. If that makes sense? It’s the first time I’ve acknowledged mum’s death out loud since she died but after living with their drinking for the last 20 plus years I’m not afraid to talk about the drinking etc. I’m just very careful who I talk to. If that makes sense? A few of my friends have the attitude that it is right to drink.. and that’s dead right…, it is. But it does impact me, and I can’t allow myself to be dragged into that black hole again. A big thing for me right now are the resentments that creep up on me. I just want to leave my dad to it, and say stuff it, as well as the other emotions that come up when dealing with his drinking. As I say, it’s been a while since I’ve let myself be close enough to dad for it to impact me. So although this is somewhat charted territory for me, it’s still very lonely, the difference today is that I’m now old enough and ugly enough to realize that I don’t have to do it alone. I hope this makes sense. I’m more than happy for you to share my story. I’m someone who gains strength by helping others by using my own experience, if that makes sense?