Hi . Not sure how to start this but I hope what I say makes sense and that someone might understand what I am going through and be able to help me if not I guess just venting out my feeling will help heaps.
My mother has always like to drink and have a few wines with friends but she didn't love it so much that it would take control of her life she was able stop at a few drinks and be fine. but when I 15 we faced a few family issues my brothers got into a bit of trouble my mum felt like she failed as a parent so she turned to drinking to help her cope with it all but that was a big mistake she started to love it and become so dependant on it not just when copping with problems but in all areas of life she needed it to feel good and she couldn't live without it.
My brothers and dad would drink too so home life was pretty negative . felt like I was walking on egg shells my family were so unpredictable I was just constantly trying to protect myself from their verbal abuse. My whole family would drink but unlike my mum they could stop when they had enough but mum had lost all control she was addicted to alcohol. I don't have a close relationship with my family I feel like the odd one out but I really not close with my mum most of my life I have felt hate towards her because I felt she chose drinking over her own daughter she was no longer a parent but I had to become the parent fulfil all her responsibilities because she was to busy drinking and helping her self. When I needed my mum to help me and offer support she was no where to be found she left me to deal with pain on my own and expected me to help them and carry their load even if their load was to heavy for me . I had to fix their problems as well as my own.
It took along years but with help from friends my mum realized she had a problem with alcohol so she went got the help she needed she was doing so well was sober for about 2 1\2 years only relapsed twice but only had a few drinks here and their. Now let's fast toward to now she is fallen off the wagon again and is heavily drinking , in denial. She is not slowing down but slowing getting worse slipping back into her old ways I have tried to help her but she don't want to hear what I have to say I really don't know what to do this time . I don't know if I even have the strength anymore to help her I am just so tired and sick of all this I just want her to be a my mum. I just want to have a relationship with her. But I don't know how to fix this.